Next time you yawn in front of me i’m gonna chuck a peanut m&m down your throat.
I just need a shovel and a good alibi.
Awww, I remember when I was 18 and thought I was an adult too. Good times.
Nobody suspects that you’re digging a grave when you’re always working on your landscape.
You didn’t question the free nachos or the ride in the van. But now that I’ve got a knife to your throat you’re all “why, why?”
When ever a girl wears a shirt saying ‘I Woke Up Like This’ I resist the urge to say I’m sorry about that.
I’m Puerto Rican, but not “carries a knife in my purse everywhere I go” Puerto Rican.
Sometimes it’s in my bra.