If Kristen Stewart played the daughter in Taken, Liam Neeson would probably just let the bad guys have her.
I’m playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood.
Gf: do I look fat in these pants?
Brain: oh god it’s a trap, this is what we’ve been training for
Me: I’ve seen worse
Brain: WTF MAN
Guys remember: if you encounter a girl in her natural habitat, don’t panic. She’s just as scared as you. Make loud noises, she will run off.
Girls are like puppies.
If you don’t take them out enough, they’ll poop on your rug.
SERIOUSLY ASHLEY ON MY RUG??
People who take things literally on twitter, stop.
Wait. First take this tweet literally, then stop.
ATTN: I’m looking for a new girlfriend
1. Between the age of 11-69?
2. Mostly female?
3. Trained to poop outside?
DM for details