Funny Tweeter

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Page of Eden_Eats's best tweets

@Eden_Eats : "It's not about the money."

-people with money

@Eden_Eats: How long are you supposed to rest in between sets at the gym?

Please say like 5 months?

@Eden_Eats: Ladies,

When someone asks why you're single, tell them you're overqualified.

@Eden_Eats: Cinderella is my favorite story of a man who couldn't remember what the face of the love of his life looked like.

@Eden_Eats: What's the craziest thing you've done for money?

I'll go first: I went to college.

@Eden_Eats: If I was a marriage counselor, I'd just make the couple log on to any dating app for 2 min.

@Eden_Eats: The dude who designed almond-milk cartons to look exactly like chicken-broth cartons should have to drink the coffee I just made.

@Eden_Eats: Jeff Bezos this morning:

"Alexa, end my marriage"

@Eden_Eats: Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

@Eden_Eats: *Rises from ashes like a Phoenix *

*hits snooze, and goes back into ashes for another 9 min *