Thrilled I bought a 55″ screen so I can listen to it while I stare at a 4″ screen.
The worst thing about millennial parents is that they name their pets human names and their kids pet names. They be like:
“Luna, don’t take Josh’s cone off, he just got spayed!”.
My greatest wish is for every guy who has ever rejected me to end up with a girl who asks tons of questions during a movie.
Me: OMG, what a great day!
Anxiety: Wait for it…
I am rubber, you are glue, that guy is ketchup, this is a terrible Halloween party.
I hope my neighbors follow me on Twitter cause their car’s lights are on.
Poor Luigi when his parents were all, “This is Mario, we also call him ‘Super Mario’. And this Luigi, we also call him ‘Player 2’.