My teens first time dusting picture frames and decided going foward that hanging them crooked would
” help the dust fall off”
Move the bed into the kitchen, bro
My niece asked me if I was planning on getting banged at the work party
She meant hammered.
Yep! Hammered
Me: You got that talent from me!
13yo: Don’t take credit for my genuis!
I’m here to express deep thanks to the wet tissue I just found in the wash that helpfully crushed itself into a little ball instead of exploding like glitter over the surface of every wet garment
I feel kinda affronted you expect me to make these serious decisions in such a short time
Optometrist sighing: Once again, Is it A or B?
My teen used the word buoyancy to describe something, so I asked her to spell that, and without missing a beat she said ” Duh Beyoncé “
Teen made a complicated dinner
16yo proudly: Let me show you!
Kitchen just as proud: Let me show you too!
13 pulled me away from my desk “to come and taste the pizza she made” and incidentally a sink full of dishes ready to wash.
Thoughts and prayers for my starving teens suffering from fridge and pantry blindness
I shed so much hair, I couldn’t commit a perfect murder if I tried.
“People who shed hair should clean up their hair”
14yo horrified, cleaning bathrooms for the first time in his life.
Just learnt how a cat yowls on heat. So glad we as humans don’t do it the same way
I told my family we’re gonna axe some of our 5 streaming services, and my teens looked at me like I was some kind of murderer.
I stopped swearing, because kids. Then I started swearing, because kids.