Ronald McDonald’s favorite song is the bigmacarena
🎶we are never ever ever getting back together
– a pair of my socks saying an emotional goodbye to each other in the washing machine
a tiny insect just tried to fly into my eye then immediately died on the bathroom sink, guys I think it saw my brain
origin story of all Disney villains:
“omg if I hear ONE more person singing today-“
the Mona Lisa looks like someone’s told a joke and she’s trying to be polite but doesn’t quite get it
‘I want to gossip but professionally.’
– news anchors
the three bears:
Goldilocks: your house is a total disgrace it’s like you gave no consideration to what I, the trespasser, might like
me: the best things in life are free!
lawyer: again, I don’t think the bank you robbed sees it that way
Lionel Richie: 🎶hello is it me you’re looking for?
caller: actually yes I’d like to speak to you about your car’s extended warranty
Medusa: ok so I’ve decided I want bangs
hair stylist: *visibly pales
Medusa: so do you have any QUITE LARGE HATS in there
sales assistant: [suspicious] why are you outside the shop shouting
Adam: hey this is amazing we’re the first people ever, can you belEVE it lol
Eve: oh right, you like puns
Adam: have you EDEN dinner yet lmao
Eve: think I’m gonna go talk to this shady looking snake
casino dealer: ok all bets on the table
cat: [pushes bets off the table]
dealer: stop that are you in or out
cat: YES
Morpheus: ok this guy is definitely “the one”
Trinity: but why though
Morpheus: you’re gonna kick yourself lol but just re-arrange the letters in “Neo”
don’t look at the title of Kill Bill before you watch because it’s a bit of a spoiler