I came, I saw, I got allergies
~ Julius Sneezer
I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now
~ toddlers
Kids are like mosquitoes…
…when they stop making a noise, start worrying
Before therapy: I hate people
After therapy: I hate therapists
You can train a cat to do whatever it wants you to do
It takes me about 15 hours to fully wake up in the morning
“Take one pill on an empty stomach”
Me: What’s an empty stomach?
Sorry I turned into a martial arts expert when you tickled me
Someone knocked at my door asking if I would like to donate to the children’s home so I just chucked him a few kids