Someone already tweeted it’s hot outside.
Delete your tweet.
Me: I have nothing to say
Also me: AND ANOTHER THING
Son: Your makeup looks weird
Me: I’m not wearing any
Money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you toilet paper.
Which is basically the same thing.
I’VE BEEN DIETING ALL WEEK!
I’M STARVING!
-Me, on a Tuesday
I’m just a short girl, sitting in a car, being strangled by my seat belt.
Twitter is a giant book club, for perverts with no attention span.