@EmmyStar79

Money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you toilet paper.

Which is basically the same thing.

@EmmyStar79

I dunno, I think Kim Jung Un’s surgeon did a killer job.

@EmmyStar79

So…we’re conserving toilet paper, but eating all our food?

I don’t think we did the math on that one.

@EmmyStar79

I’VE BEEN DIETING ALL WEEK!

I’M STARVING!

-Me, on a Tuesday

@EmmyStar79

I’m just a short girl, sitting in a car, being strangled by my seat belt.

@EmmyStar79

Twitter is a giant book club, for perverts with no attention span.