Juliet: and, if you forget my fries, don’t bother climbing back up
This painting is titled:
Would It Hurt You To Put The Dirty Bowl In The Dishwasher?
no, no… I don’t want to be a burden
– me being a total burden
thanks for the crochet armor, mom, I’m sure it will work just fine
Dear Abby,
How long should you feel obligated to date someone after they’ve given you the Heimlich?
I don’t know what the 5 love languages are but one of them better have peanut butter inside
God: did you name the 2 moons of Mars?
angel: yes, Phobos & Deimos
[turns to 2nd angel]
God: and, what did you name earth’s moon?
angel 2: oh! ummm? the…Moon 🤷♂️
Van Helsing: I’ve come to your village to hunt down unearthly monsters
me: yeah, I’m aware…
Van Helsing: *loading a silver bullet* you’re a what?
… I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now eat the onion ring
St Peter: welcome to the afterlife
me: damn… there’s more?
your come hither look says “yes”, but the way you’re opening & closing that switchblade says “no”
Is ‘Monkey Bread’ for monkeys, made by monkeys or made from monkeys?
Fact: you spend an average of 3.7 hrs of your life in the pantry looking for the ‘damn’ paprika
Why are they called ‘school gym clothes’ and not ‘class action suits’?
“Judy, if I don’t survive this vicious goose attack, always know that I loved you”
“my name is Denise”
