Marriage counselor: ok, let’s reflect on the last week’s session
Dracula: *snickering* I can’t reflect on anything
Dracula’s wife: are you even going to try and take this seriously?
[Lois & Superman’s first date]
Superman: You look beautiful, Loren.
Lois: What? Who’s Loren?!
*Superman flies around the earth and reverses time*
Superman: You look beautiful, Lois.
🎵Well we’re movin on up, 🎶
Me: cool, where?
🎶To the east side.🎵
Me: a house?
🎵To a deluxe apartment in the sky. 🎶
Me: Like Cloud City? From Empire Strikes Back?
genie: long time no see, ok, you have one wish left
Geppetto: I want a real boy
genie:??? what happened to the other 2 you wished for?
”I wonder how long cake is good for before it goes stale?”
*I say to myself as I eat the last slice from a cake made earlier that day
Priest: I wonder what ignited the Notre-Dame cathedral fire?
Quasimodo: I have a hunch.
Priest: it’s always about you, isn’t it?
Elton John ”Hold me closer, tiny dancer”
CDC ”Stop right there!!”
A midwife is just the wife between your first and third one
We had a detangler brush when I was younger, it was called scissors.