@Epygma

Im still waiting for a movie in which someone says “buy me some time” and the guy goes and buys him a clock

@Epygma

*i get chased into a dark alley*
Please no
*two men walk up to me holding a knife*
“If you join our insurance you can save up to-”
NOOOOOOO

@Epygma

“Do you want to go out on a date?”
*sweats nervously*
I C-CAN’T
“Why?”
*shoots friend next to him*
I HAVE TO GO TO A FRIEND’S FUNERAL

@Epygma

*Jesus drinking at a bar*
*jesus orders another drink*
“jesus you’re too drunk I can’t give you anymore”
Kan I jst haev a water?
“nice try”

@Epygma

[Dads birthday]
“Make a wish Dad”
*Dad blows out candles
*Looks around
*Looks @ wife
Where did our son go?
-What son?
*Dad cries with joy