do horses think humans are hats
[crab overhears the words ‘crab cakes’]
*applauds with tiny crab clawed excitement* oooh cakes for crabs
[crab sees the crab cakes]
oh no. oh god no.
[a handsome man falls and cuts his hand]
Me: *tries to rip the hem of my dress to make a bandage, like a Regency heroine, but I’m too weak*
Superman: I am an all powerful alien with only one weakness.
Batman: Is it bats? Please say bats.
*gets rescue dog with the idea that I will excercise more*
*dog now also fat*
*narrows my eyes at you suspiciously*
*keeps narrowing them*
*closes them entirely*
Dog: Whatcha doing?
Me: Shaving my legs.
Me: So that I’m not covered in…
Dog: Not covered in what, Erren? NOT COVERED IN WHAT?
Good grief, did you see that, Hans? A time traveller just appeared, shot Adolf and left again. I mean I know his paintings are shit but WTF
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away for a while.
[First person to ride a horse]
‘I’m going to sit on that thing and I don’t care how angry it gets.’