I love you so much. I would do anything for you.
Since you’re going upstairs already, can you take this with you?
Me: Where my favorite girl in the whole world?
Wife: Right here!
Wife: You were talking to the dog, weren’t you?
A couple of our wine glasses broke, and I bought slightly smaller ones to replace them.
I don’t think my wife has ever been this mad at me before.
For background music today, we will be playing the sound of my son opening and closing the same three drawers 15 times trying to find his homework
The great thing about getting old is that 50 degrees gets colder every year
My wife shook me awake at 7am on a Sunday “because it’s not raining, and we have a lot to do today”
Holy shit, I married my father
My kids just pounded on my office door yelling “FBI – open up!!!” when I was on a work call, so yeah, I’m totally looking forward to them going back to school in-person.
I was talking to my son and he casually pulled a bag of chips out from under his pillow, and started eating without breaking eye contact
He living his best life
Good news: My son cleaned his room
Bad news: He found his harmonica
Me: Guys, we have to leave for the store in an hour
Guys, we have to leave for the store in 15 min
Guys, we have to leave for the store in 5 min
Guys, we have to leave
9yo: WHY?!? Where are we going?!?