*kicking in your front door*
I’M GONNA REARRANGE YOUR FURNITURE IT LOOKS STUPID
Ya’ll ok with me grating a lil bit of my finger into this cheese for the casserole? Too late.
I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.
Jumping outta trees onto unsuspecting joggers
Rubbing your own eyes good n hard is awesome, but the thought of someone else doing it for you is horrifying.
Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself
I just dusted like 4 years ago this is bullshit
I want an olive garden waiter shredding cheese over my corpse at my funeral and nobody say when
*holding 7 steak knives*
DO I LOOK CRAZY TO YOU
*staring directly into the sun* is this meditation am I meditating
Who wants to go pull on some push doors with me??
Is hitting yourself in the face when you open your car door considered “hot”? Say yes.
I’m not buying it that each village only had one idiot
I almost ran somebody over yesterday, I guess I’ll have to try harder next time
If you throw a pot of boiling spaghetti at someone’s face and it sticks, it’s done.