Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Fickle_Filly's best tweets

@Fickle_Filly : You can lead a teenager to the dishwasher, but you can’t make him load it.

@Fickle_Filly: Welcome to your 40s.

Add 'gravity' to your list of enemies.

@Fickle_Filly: Unless you’re a female bat and you gave birth hanging upside down, I’m not interested in hearing about how your baby was born.

@Fickle_Filly: Him: I like you.

Me: I’ll soon put a stop to that.

@Fickle_Filly: Cashier: And how are you today?

Me: Incandescent with rage. You?

@Fickle_Filly: I just want someone to look at me the way that Wile E. Coyote looks at an ACME product.

@Fickle_Filly: Look me in the eye and tell me you love me...

No, not the glass one.

@Fickle_Filly: I’m at that stage in life where my bladder is at its weakest and my phobia of public toilets is at its strongest.

@Fickle_Filly: I keep banana skins within reach at work because you never know when you’re going to need to make a murder look like an accident.