@FilthyRichmond

Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I’ll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life.

@FilthyRichmond

Please refrain from telling elderly election volunteers to “work that poll”.

@FilthyRichmond

A box of Cadbury creme eggs just propositioned me. Now we’re in a van together.

@FilthyRichmond

I would bring my dog a nice jerky treat from Colorado, but he only eats local, sustainable cat turds.

@FilthyRichmond

I got tired of our restroom smelling like other people’s crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind the hot air vent.

@FilthyRichmond

Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they’re not passing you some fake shit.

@FilthyRichmond

Lifeguards should focus more on water safety and less on me laying eggs in the sand.