I went to the gym today.
Just kidding, I walked down the block and yelled at the neighbor kids for screaming while I’m trying to nap.
Florist: “Would you like your flowers wrapped?”
Me: “Nope, they’re going right into the shredder before I give them to my sister-in-law.”
You’re in a work meeting and your boss asks, “Any questions?”
The answer is always, NO.
The best way to stop uninvited guests from stopping by your home is to always answer the door naked.
I almost crashed into the semi in front of me while I was looking at a hot construction worker. That would’ve been an embarrassing obituary.
*Gets back at the birds by pooping on their bird houses*