I used to care passionately about so many things. Now, there is only cheese and cookies.
If RL people ask you how to join twitter, tell them they have to be sponsored by six people and submit tweets for approval. And pay. Sorted.
When I walk for a short period each day in the woods, if I pass someone a few yards away I make a point in speaking and smiling at them. That ensures they move on quickly.
I only eat vegetarians.
I’m a disaster playing scrabble with the kids. I know all these disgusting words.
It’s your fault.
I love how twitter uses little bluebirds to give the impression we are all sweet talkers. A couple of pterodactyls would be more realistic..
Online dating has its good points. You can choose your own name, lie through your teeth and you can’t smell their breath.
I began writing full time 20 years ago. I’ve sold lots – my tv, my car, my jewellery…
Avoid cars that have a sign saying ‘baby on board’. That driver has only had a couple of hours sleep and is likely to be suicidal.
Trying to explain to H that when the doctor said he can have one red wine a day, he didn’t mean bottle.
I’m not sure about accusing someone of wanting to get into my pants. I’d like to see him try. I can hardly get into them myself..
We took the animals for a walk and saw a sign: ‘Dogging area, please control your animal and pick up their faces…’
She was a very heavy smoker with a cough that curdled your blood.
Phlegm fatale, they called her.
Spiders have it about right.
If he doesn’t bring her a snack when he courts her it’s curtains..
I know I’m gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up.