Hope floats but corpses don’t, so remember: bricks or 25 to life.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
No, YOUR illiterate.
Sleeping Beauty has a pretty good situation going on until Prince Charming came and screwed it up.
I will punch you in the face.
OK not really – but I will roll my eyes at you, hard.
Technically, setting someone on fire is burning calories.
I automatically write off anything Donald Trump says because someone with that much money has no excuse for that hair.
When I’m feeling inadequate, I remember that there are women who marry their prison pen pals, and then my own decisions don’t seem so bad.
Imagine if people still used typewriters!
We’d have to sit in a giant circle and throw pieces of paper at each other.
“I need to get laid man!”nn- eggs (in the chicken)