Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
“Theirye’re” problem solved
Actual air attendant:
“Secure your mask before helping your kids.if you have multiple, pick the one with the highest earning potential 1st”
Him: drink?
Me: I have a boyfriend
Him: I have a goldfish
Me: What???
Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don’t matter
Just heard a 15 year old call an autobiography a word selfie
*points finger gun at mouth*
*pulls trigger*