Pharmacist: This medi…
Me: Can we just skip to the part where I pay? I brought my own water. I’ll take one now.
You pulled out in front of me.
Now you’re going slow.
I don’t like my car.
I will win this one.
I’m at my sexiest when I try to run in flip flops in the rain.
I knew my Mom meant business when she started yelling words I didn’t know existed.
I’ve had 3 new bosses at work in the last 6 months.
I wonder when they’re going to bring me in for questioning.
I should move the bodies.
Cooking directions: Stir constantly until it comes to a boil.
Me: Orders takeout.
*Beats guy over the head with celery.*
Stalking is hard.
“STOP COPYING ME!”
I yell, as my car spins out of control.
Humans will not be fully evolved until everyone achieves the ability to maintain a constant speed while driving.
My new washing machine plays a tune very similar to an ice cream truck when it’s finished.
There’s no ice cream in there. I checked. Twice.