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@Gooooats : Him: Did you adopt your dog?
Me: No, he's my biological dog.
@Gooooats: This baby is terrible at dodgeball.
@Gooooats: My wife changed her relationship status to “irritated”
@Gooooats: Oh, you're a fan of music? Name one song.
@Gooooats: Meghan Markle is going to be bummed when she finds out that her royal duties include getting up at 3:00 every morning to wind up Big Ben.
@Gooooats: My daughter can just cut and paste into google translate to do her French homework, and she learns nothing. When I was her age I had to learn nothing the hard way.
@Gooooats: A surprisingly large amount of responsibility also comes with zero power.
@Gooooats: I can no longer remember if I'm wearing clothes under this huge pile of candy wrappers.
@Gooooats: Me: I love you.
Me: tah. I love Utah. So many national parks.
@Gooooats: If you ask me to hold a bag of any kind of candy, all the red ones will be gone before you get it back.