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Page of GorillaNipples1's best tweets

@GorillaNipples1 : Me: I don’t think I fit into some box with a label on it.

Serial Killer: *looking disappointed* Are you sure?

@GorillaNipples1: Me: My heart is full.

Cardiologist: Yes, that’s the problem.

@GorillaNipples1: T-Rex: I got stabbed by this huge Triceratops!

Doctor: How big were its horns?

T-Rex: *struggling to widen his arms*

Doctor: Just a baby then. You’ll be fine.

@GorillaNipples1: Me: You touched my heart.

Cardiologist: You’re not supposed to be awake, but thanks. LOL

@GorillaNipples1: [Work Lunchroom]

Co-worker: Man, remember when we we were poor and used to eat things like Mac n Cheese with hotdog at every meal?

Me: *slowly closing my bag lunch* *nervous chuckle* Haha. Yeah totally.

@GorillaNipples1: [Career Day]

Me: Money doesn’t buy happiness. However, it does buy tacos which make me happy. In conclusion, money does buy happiness.

Kids: *raise hands*

Me: I won’t be taking any questions.

@GorillaNipples1: Daughter: Daddy, can I have breakfast?

Me: *puts up hand* Talk to the hand.

Daughter: *into my hand like she’s ordering at a drive thru* I’d like some pancakes.

@GorillaNipples1: Me: *quits life and moves into a pillow fort*

Them: You need to live in the present.

Me: *covers fort in wrapping paper*

@GorillaNipples1: [Justice League Disney Hotel]

Me: can I have some help with my bags?

Aquaman: Sure. Water friends for.

@GorillaNipples1: [My Dad If He Were A Bartender]

ME: Can I have a beer?
DAD: I don’t know, CAN you?
ME: Ugh, just make me a drink.
DAD: Poof, you’re a drink.
ME: Come on!
DAD: Where are we going?
ME: I’m putting you in a home.
DAD: We’re already in someones home.