10:03pm
Wife: Honey, can you put away the left over chicken before you come to bed?Me: Sure.
11:09pm
Me, eating the last of the chicken: I feel like I’m forgetting something.
The most dangerous types of canoes are volcanoes.
When your whiskey stops people from entering your house.
~ Scotchgard
Me: I bought a Twix for us to share.
Wife: Thanks, but you know I don’t like Twix.
Me: *already shoving both pieces into my mouth* Oh no, I forgot.
Guy about to invent archery: I want to stab that guy over there but I don’t want to walk.