When you go to the gynecologist on Halloween they use a spookulum.
Speaking in rhyme seems perfectly natural for a serial killer, but is quite unnerving when my proctologist does it.
‘Did you hear, Tim died.’
Oh no, was it serious?
Keep hiring mermaids, but they don’t clean worth a damn, the place always smells like fish, and they leave scales everywhere.
When I recently asked a 9 year-old about his experience with the tooth fairy, he explained that there is no tooth fairy, and:
‘Your parents take the tooth out from under your pillow, and god knows what they do with it.’
I follow mattress delivery trucks around all day, because I like the smell of freshly braked bed.
Please be on notice:
From this point forward, I shall tweet exactly whatever autocorrect provides.
I’m sorry if that isn’t exact whet you were expectorant.
To save time, I buy my panties pre-bunched.
It was an unfortunate incident, but at least Doug learned he should never lick his light saber after using it to cut chocolate cake.
I was really into the idea of Salsa dancing, until I learned there are no chips. Or salsa.