Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor?
Me: I struck down a Jedi.
W: god I hate you.
M: yes, use your hate
Come here you little vixen and let me take off your top.
-me to my beer.
My first kid will be named Gotham. That way when I have to get up in the middle of the night when they’re crying I can say “Gotham needs me”
HR: Do you know why we called you in here today?
Me: I’m not taking off my Batman suit, sir.