I’m buying more booze than ever these days. Wonder if I need an intervention. I’d hate to become a shopaholic.
Me: Excuse me
Waiter: Yes?
M: The wine’s corked
W: This is Holy Communion, the wine’s blessed
M: And the breadsticks are stale. I want to see the manager
*gets struck by lightning
10: “What are we doing today?
Me: “We’re gonna make tacos.”
10: “Then what are we going to do?”
Me: “…I’ll be eating tacos.”
Thought for the day:
Shouldn’t you really have more than one thought each day?
Went to the gym for the first time in months. It turns out I’m more ready for exhuming than I am for exercising.
Not all relationships revolve around physical passion. Some of us are married.
I see you like sex.
*apparently not an acceptable thing to say to a pregnant woman.