If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
At the last supper Jesus was probably like it would be way more comfortable for everyone if some of you sat on the other side of the table
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Halloween ’94: Mom says store sold out of Batman costumes and buys me a Catwoman one. Called me Catman. The worst part: she went as Batman?
If I had a dollar for every time my dad questioned my sexuality I could afford a bad ass Harley and probably some super cute riding boots
Gun control sounds like a dangerous but exciting way to change the channel
Now I find out my ground hands are actually called feet wtf is going on today
FUN PRANK: tweet “going hang gliding!!!!” then don’t tweet again for 12 years
No thanks farting robot on the wall I’ll use the paper towels to dry my hands nice try though