When a proctologist fixes a problem, do they say it’s been rectified?
Me: It’s not working out between us. You’re too suffocating.
Quarantine log, Day 8:
Cat: I need you to run to the store for me.
Me: What for? You have plenty of food.
Cat: I got into the treats last night. I’m almost out.
Me: You can talk!
Since my cat keeps waking me up at three in the morning, I’ve decided to wake him up every day at three in the afternoon.
You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.