Sorry I couldn’t come. I was on the way, but then I realised I’d forgotten my earphones, so I had to go back home and put my Chritsmas tree up.
Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2370 words.
Heard someone explaining how to close a bag of chips and now all I can think about is who doesn’t finish an entire bag of chips after opening it?
It’s been a while since you last tweeted about how much you hate it when someone microwaves fish at work. Are you ok?
Tell them you’re stupid and they’ll say you’re smart, just to prove you wrong. That’s how stupid works.
Everyone makes mistakes. Please make yours far from me.
Good morning to everyone except idiots who see you eating your fries and still ask “are you going to finish these?”
You lost your mind? Don’t worry. Ask any mom and she’ll find it within two minutes.
Them: Who’s your favourite soccer player?
Me:
Welcome to your 40’s. Each year, you need to hold your phone another inch farther from your face.
Imagine you’re fine, minding your own business and then someone offers you a 50$ gift card and you end up spending 400$
If I was a ghost, pottery wouldn’t be the first thing I do.
If you’re feeling butterflies in your stomach, go make yourself a sandwich. It’s called being hungry.
Welcome to your 40’s. Now you get excited about finding your car in a parking lot.
-Brain: Too expensive, you’ll never wear it. Don’t buy this dress.
-Heart: But what are you going to wear if someone takes you to a ball in their castle in France?