Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of Heather2Go's best tweets

@Heather2Go : I have the body of a 25-year-old girl, a 25-year-old who has recently been eaten by a 40-year-old bear.

@Heather2Go: Ironman is my favorite story about how sleep deprivation can make you a sarcastic, neurotic superhero without being a parent.

@Heather2Go: I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.

@Heather2Go: Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.

@Heather2Go: I'm so bad with directions that every time I try to go to Pound Town I end up in the Friend Zone.

@Heather2Go: To support all you Movember guys, I'm not shaving my legs this month. To be honest, I probably won't shave in Mecember or Manuary either.

@Heather2go: Rules to live by:

1. Be kind to strangers
2. Don't cheat on your taxes
3. Everything in moderation
4. Bury the body at sea