Sure, Michelle Obama said those words first but Melania Trump had the imagination to say them like an operative in a cold war spy thriller.
Carefully choosing my grocery check out line based on the back of who’s head I want to beam hate into for the next 15 minutes.
You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you’ll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to “sit”.
My therapy group is a joke. The doctor is supposed to match you with people you have something in common with but everyone here is nuts.
*Brings a hammer to a thumb war.*
Next time at a public swimming pool just stop, look around & ask yourself: “Is there anyone here that I would want to take a bath with?”
When your wife asks if men think about sex every 7 seconds the correct answer is “I think of you all the time dear” & not “Sex with who?”.
My wife and I just renewed our vows of celibacy.
Meanwhile at the drugstore…
What do you mean I can’t drink alcohol with this medication?
You’re not a bartender!
You’re just a pharmacist.
Every time you make a typo
the errorists win.