The sign said ‘Free Range Chickens’. So, I took some.
My grandfather said he’d never be caught dead wearing cargo pants, so I slipped the funeral director an extra 50 bucks.
And now we wait.
In the earliest part of my life I was a man trapped inside a woman’s body.
Then mom gave birth to me.
My boss thinks that homosexuality is a disease, so I’m calling in gay tomorrow.
Anyone who doesn’t believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.
Roses are red
Violets don’t matter.
When a woman says ‘I love you’
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
And two half-wits don’t make a wit.
I could lose 120 pounds in less than a week, but apparently there’s some kind of silly NewYork law against killing your ex.
I turned off Auto-Correct for the first time, and now my new girlfriend thinks she has a face that launched a 1000 shits.
Answer : Mrs.Claus
Question : Who was the only person in history that was unhappy when Santa came early?