“I love this song!”
“This is my favorite song!”
“I love this song!”
“No, THIS is my favorite song!”
~ Me, listening to my own playlist
Chihuahua is my favorite pet that is also the sound I make during a bikini wax.
And YOU get a vegetable pod!
And YOU get a vegetable pod!
And YOU get a vegetable pod!
And YOU get a vegetable pod!
~ The Okra Show
Wish I could focus on anything with even half the intensity of my dog watching me eat yogurt.
Me: Hey, great costume, buddy! You look like a real…
Him: Ma’am, please step out of the vehicle.
Facebook is terrific way to connect with classmates who haven’t aged as well as you.
Don’t confuse a Morning Person with a Middle Aged Bladder Person.
Coffee so good it helps a little old lady cross the street.
Do a little dance… Drink a lot of rum… Fall down tonight…
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
I fart in church so I can sit in my own pew.
“Who’s sorry now?”
~ First question on Canadian citizenship exam
This bank app is great for checking account activity!
Also comes in handy when you just need a reason to cry.
If pedicures were called toe jobs, men would get them, too.
Twitter is the new flypaper.