I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”
Bought myself an Xbox so when one of the kids asks me for something I can tell them I’ll do it after this level.
My hometown ranked 4th for the worst cities for hot dog lovers. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that.
Hey men, we women love it when you hit us up out of the blue for sex. I mean really, I’ve been waiting for this day for a year, Josh.
Since I moved into my house, my parents do this thing where they come over so my dad can work on a project but he always forgets a tool he needs so they just drink my beer instead.
Period tracker: 196 days late
Me: *wears white pants
Period: I’m ready for my comeback
Most of the sports bras I own are because I couldn’t get them off before leaving the store.
May you never experience disappointment like that of finding unmelted cheese on the second layer of nachos
My cat slept on the couch last night so I guess that means we’re fighting