Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of House_Feminist's best tweets

@House_Feminist : [at the library checking out a book]

[at the library sending a book a drink on me as I wink at it across the bar]

[at the library introducing myself to a book asking if it comes here often]

@House_Feminist: Ask your doctor if Drugs™ are right for you. If he says no give him a wedgie and stuff him in a locker he is a nerd.

@House_Feminist: me: *accidentally cuts off a car while merging*

[20 minutes later]

me: *tapping on their window as they shift to park in their driveway* hey is everything ok between us

@House_Feminist: I ate an entire pound of blueberries today so honestly I hope some oxidants try to step to me I'll send them crying to their mommies

@House_Feminist: I secretly hope that twitter keeps extending the character limit as a social experiment, slowly conditioning our attention spans until we’re able to read actual books again

@House_Feminist: barbecue implies the existence of a carolecue and possibly a debecue

@House_Feminist: Please quit telling me to “keep up the good work” the good work was an accident and impossible to replicate