Hear me out, a leaf blower, but for people.
At my age, you can spell Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen without googling it.
At my age, my passwords are protected by amnesia.
At my age I’m allowed to start my day with Captain Morgan and end my day with Captain Crunch.
No Grandma, a brothel is not a soup kitchen.
No Grandma, a friend with benefits is not someone who lends you a cup of sugar.
If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood.
I’m trying to be more fit these days, so now I walk inside the store to buy my donuts instead of using the drive-thru.
When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don’t say a word. Thanks.
*Opens Twitter*…..scrolls 4356 tweets….*checks for abs*