@I_Bl33d_Purple

At my age, you can spell Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen without googling it.

@I_Bl33d_Purple

At my age I’m allowed to start my day with Captain Morgan and end my day with Captain Crunch.

@I_Bl33d_Purple

No Grandma, a friend with benefits is not someone who lends you a cup of sugar.

@I_Bl33d_Purple

If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood.

@I_Bl33d_Purple

I’m trying to be more fit these days, so now I walk inside the store to buy my donuts instead of using the drive-thru.

@I_Bl33d_Purple

When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don’t say a word. Thanks.