I’ll know I’m marrying the right person when we’ve both cancelled the wedding twice
business idea: a dating app that only matches Adams with Steves
I forgot the word for English so I asked the cab driver if he speaks the common tongue
*stuffing my face with donuts* what does the cop banging on my windshield screaming “give me back my donuts” want from me?
I forgot the word for confessional booth so I said catholic shame box
Me: *sipping* well ain’t you a tall glass of vodka
Her: *blushing* aww thank you but the expression is “tall glass of water”
Me: oh hey, didn’t see you there
Badminton implies the existence of Goodminton and Alrightminton.
*gets hit by car*
me: it’s ok buddy can happen to anyone*friend says I’ll call you right back and doesn’t*
me: there can be no forgiveness for this