Like that whole spinach in the teeth thing, I never know if it’s polite to tell a lizard person when they have a little tear in their human suit.
Nobody likes failing a CAPTCHA but you don’t need to worry if you’re really a robot unless you notice more than the normal amount of springs and gears in your poop.
Been collecting single highway shoes for years but not professionally.
Donuts are beautiful creatures and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.
If You Give an Alligator a Corpse is my favorite children’s book about how one little snack leads to an exotic pet addiction and a life on the run.
Don’t we all get absurdly territorial when a spider spins a web in that special corner of the house where we would have built our cocoon if humans did that?
Saying you make your own luck is a gross oversimplification. No one ever mentions how hard it is to collect enough leprechaun toenails for a decent batch.
Pretending not to see the judgemental looks of other shoppers in the meat department as I continue to make all the hams kiss.
When you marry a fungi, you have to give up certain video games, pizza toppings and recreational drugs out of respect.
Industrial strength nuclear powered leaf blowers make relocating your neighbors a snap. Just power it up and watch them roll away like human tumbleweeds.
Throw the donuts in a food dehydrator so you can fit more in your wallet.
It’s faster just accepting that a fish learned to walk and then everything got weirder.
That dentist from that parking lot flyer says gnawing down trees is just as good as brushing and flossing. I’m referring all my coworkers.
A universal unit of measurement is especially helpful in the squid world where you can enjoy tentacle-long hotdogs, chicken tentacle soup, pickled pig’s tentacles and the kids favorite fruit by the tentacle.
It’s unfortunate that our feet can’t taste things because there’s so much potential in flavored socks and crocs.