When a food fight breaks out during Thanksgiving dinner, creamed corn casserole finally reaches its full potential.
Bees might live longer if they repelled people by handing out religious pamphlets instead of the old sting and die approach.
I can’t decide if you put canned tuna in balloons are they ballunas or tunalloons but either way those kids are going to have a great field day game.
Qualifications for local sewer clown are pretty simple: dress the part, fit in a storm drain and be willing to work for screams.
At least we know scientists somewhere are finding a way to make humans sweat hallucinogens like those toads, so there will finally be a perk to all this stress about climate change and we all have a happier apocalypse.
Like that whole spinach in the teeth thing, I never know if it’s polite to tell a lizard person when they have a little tear in their human suit.
Nobody likes failing a CAPTCHA but you don’t need to worry if you’re really a robot unless you notice more than the normal amount of springs and gears in your poop.
Been collecting single highway shoes for years but not professionally.
Donuts are beautiful creatures and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.
If You Give an Alligator a Corpse is my favorite children’s book about how one little snack leads to an exotic pet addiction and a life on the run.
Don’t we all get absurdly territorial when a spider spins a web in that special corner of the house where we would have built our cocoon if humans did that?
Saying you make your own luck is a gross oversimplification. No one ever mentions how hard it is to collect enough leprechaun toenails for a decent batch.
Pretending not to see the judgemental looks of other shoppers in the meat department as I continue to make all the hams kiss.
When you marry a fungi, you have to give up certain video games, pizza toppings and recreational drugs out of respect.
Industrial strength nuclear powered leaf blowers make relocating your neighbors a snap. Just power it up and watch them roll away like human tumbleweeds.