@Iffy_Penguin

ear doctor: your hearing hasn’t gotten any worse.
me: that’s great news.
ear doctor *puts down megaphone*: not really.
me: what?

@Iffy_Penguin

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-Pac-Man’s grocery list.

@Iffy_Penguin

resolutions:
1. use the word “plethora” more
2. learn at least four new bird calls – no, wait. learn a plethora of new bird calls.

@Iffy_Penguin

me: then why is your slogan “finger lickin’ go-”
kfc clerk: -your own fingers.