Just saw a homeless guy fall asleep with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Which probably explains why he’s homeless.
Wifey is pregnant again. She wants a girl but I want a black guy so I have someone to play basketball with.
My kids are going to be so disappointed when they figure out peer pressure is a myth and they have to actually pay for drugs in high school.
I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt.