I love my family: I bought a really cool green gourd at the grocery store on the way to the beach & everyone’s first thought is we need to do a photo shoot of the gourd on the beach
We didn’t lose power, so my fantasy about seducing linemen as a thank you will have to wait for the next storm
Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down
I’m too young to always make noises when I bend down to pick something up off the ground
Just found out my parents have had a life insurance policy on me since I was 6mo old with them as the beneficiaries. I’m 44 now. I see they’re playing the long game…
It never gets old to hear someone say “Oh no” when I say I’m calling from the health department
There’s a deaf couple fighting in the car in front of me in this parking lot & I kinda want to stay & watch because their signs are getting bigger & more yelly
Just waved at my neighbor’s cat in the window. Turns out it was a vase.