women at the gym use every other treadmill like men do urinals
just thinking about how I had a convo with a dude who said he thinks he’s allergic to almonds bc they make his tongue itch but chocolate is a good anti-inflammatory because his tongue doesn’t itch when it’s chocolate covered almonds…
cooks vegan zuchinni alfredo for dinner (evolved). follows it up with fistfuls of shaved parm straight out of the tub (caveman brain)
new challenge called “don’t say ‘woow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter” challenge
me, one hour into the “no solid food for three weeks” thinkin about pizza
if someone sees a pic of you and says “wow you’re photogenic” what they’re really trying to say is that you look uglier irl
overheard in the elevator
dude 1: “I have a song stuck in my head, it’s killing me”
dude 2: “aw man yeah, I’ve got like 4”
dude 1: “at least you’ve got a playlist”
me: looking for a dining table to enhance the ✨aesthetic👄 of my apartment
also me: egge?? 😮
furnishing my new place and can’t pick what dining table or chairs I want. All I know is that my nachosaurus is on the way and needs somewhere to stand.
me: there are plenty of white rappers
him: …dr seuss
👾👾👾
