My neighbors are being loud and I wanted to yell at them but I didn’t want them to know it’s me so I found a clip of a woman yelling SHUT UP and played it at full volume
due to the pandemic “following up” is currently suspended. if you try to “circle back” with me i will call the police
FRIEND: Pretend like you’re not too interested
ME: Ok
[later]
DATE: My grandmother recently passed away
ME: Who cares
what the
Environmentalism is fine but what if global warming is wrong? Then we made our air cleaner for nothing
If the work week didn’t already exist and someone pitched the idea of everyone working 5 out of every 7 days they’d get thrown in a volcano
(praying for the first time in a long while and trying to be extra flattering to god): sweetheart,
Why are ghosts and angels depicted as semi transparent is that what happens when you die they just turn your opacity down
gotta say, i love living by the sword. i hope there are no consequences from this regarding how i ultimately die
[2000 years ago]
jesus: merry christmas
stranger: what?
jesus: just say it back i’m trying to start a thing
Beer keg at party
-boring
-played out
-there are better ways to drink beerThe keg is full of soup
-now we’re talkin baby
-let’s party
-soup
Personality test: do you tend to keep to yourself
Me: Yes
Personality test: you are an introvert
Me: Holy shit
I feel tired and weak. Probably just getting older and nothing is wrong. Well, time to read the news
Ring = she’s married
Nose ring = she’s married to a bull
Movie super villains always have wild origins stories like “Fell into radioactive goo” or “Possessed by alien” when a more realistic and gritty one would be “Attended Harvard”