My office is across the hall from my bedroom but I won’t let that stop me from blaming this snowstorm for making me late tomorrow
Imagine being a licensed therapist scrolling Twitter just basking in the never ending job security
I hope we get the slow walking zombies because that’s definitely more the type of apocalypse I’ve been training for
A psychologist on a podcast I listen to just said “if you want to be less anxious you need to worry less” so thank god he spent $80k on his PhD because this is absolute gold
I have gained 8lbs and even though I’ve eaten a steady diet of junk food and sugar and only worked out three times in the last two months this seems really really unfair, you guys
My house is cleaner than it’s ever been and given that no one is allowed to come over to see it you’ll just have to take my word for it
PSA: Calories don’t count today because February 29 doesn’t really exist.
Canadians eat more mac & cheese than any other nation
We also rank first for quality of life
I’m not saying these things are related but ….these things are definitely related
I would go to the gym during the Christmas holidays but I don’t really think that’s what Jesus would have wanted
My dad went from “no man is good enough for my little girl” to “would you just pick one already? Jobs aren’t even that important” real quick
I nearly choked on a hard boiled egg and I know in my heart a cinnamon bun would never treat me this way
He said he likes curvy women and what my man wants, my man gets
*eats 14th Oreo cookie*
Ladies winter is coming and they are going to try to lure you in with hoodies and fireplaces. Don’t fall for it.
I mean I’m probably gonna but the rest of you should stay strong.
If you’ve ever wanted to take a tiny bag of poop on a tour of your neighbourhood, owning a dog might be right for you
Them: How much would you have to win in the lottery to quit your job?
Me: At this point I’d probably walk if I won a free coffee in McDonalds Monopoly