I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why eggs Benedict is $24
Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind
A week into my bathroom reno has taught me that anyone that willingly buys fixer-uppers is a sociopath
If you’re out shopping today I’m a size Nordstrom gift card
My mental health after scrolling Twitter for approximately 8 seconds
Airport beers are great because it means you are traveling and also that you hate your own money
I don’t need a boyfriend so much as I need someone to remind me I’m baking cookies when I wander off to start something else
Ladies, if you’re looking for romance, now is the time of year to move to a small town in order to save your grandfather’s business from the guy who also happens to secretly be the love of your life
Shoutout to my dog for ensuring we can enjoy the crunchy, colourful autumn leaves inside the house too
I am convinced Americans are required by law to watch football. Ain’t no way this many people watch it all day long by choice
Buying a house has proven to be a lot like dating: All the really good ones aren’t even on the market and the rest are in need of a lot of repairs
Someone on TikTok asked if people with office jobs just sit at our computers all day and answer emails
Obviously that’s not true
We also have meetings about the emails and then write emails about the meetings
Kids these days, I tell ya
They really taught us calculus and then left us to fend for ourselves when it comes to taxes and putting the duvet cover back on
I’m holding out for the fitness watch that tracks my heart rate and shocks me every time I pick up a bag of chips
And to think on this day, one year ago, you were about to learn how precious toilet paper really is