18 asked me to explain osmosis so I told her it’s how she knows every 80’s soft hit.
oh, he likes camping? crush some leaves and put them in your hair.
17 asked what the 80’s were like and i told her to sit in the middle of the front seat between me and her grandma.
I love October. When else do say things like I’ll take a caramel apple & one ticket to be chased through a farmhouse with a butcher knife please.
you know you’re related when you visit your cousin and find her crying because she dropped her cake pop.
i love horror films but this one with the killer making people stay at their desks after work is next level sick.
cats are difficult cuz you want to cuddle with them and they’re like this uneven piece of plastic on top of the hard counter is more comfortable.
follow request on instagram. a tan and in shape man on a pool float. blocked.
some people recharge in nature. some people recharge at the olive garden.
think of all the paper we are saving complaining online.
If you want to make someone happy, leave the room and come back in as an outdoor cedar soaking tub near a quiet cabin in Topanga.
i was skeptical about people paying money for my tweets but i just did the math and i could quite possibly make $5.98 a month.
my daughter told me she has a crush on a guy who plays a drug dealer on a show and i’m like oh you get that from me.
One time I overheard my coworker answer a question with ‘I don’t know, I was in Prague’ so that’s my go to now whenever I don’t have the answer to a question.
sorry vacation place with the underwater tunnels, i’ve seen jaws 3.