I read my daughter a book about a Frogapotamus last night and dreamt of riding one. Tonight I’m reading her Hugh Jackman’s autobiography.
Obstetrician who has taken up magic as a hobby: and what have we here? *pulls out baby after baby after baby after baby after baby…
Stuffs sugar packets into my handbag as I leave the cafe.
Sachets away.
“Do people really become like their pets?” I wonder, absentmindedly raising a leg above my head and staring into space.
Sue from work says putting zucchini in her brownie makes it incredibly moist. I told Sue I’ve had similar successes.
How did my operation go Doc?
Dr ;
What?
Dr ;
Omg I’ve only got half a colon?
I got hooked on Italian food in high school after my dealer sold me a bag of oregano.
“Just dashing to the shops”
Woman [showers, washes hair, styles hair, puts on make up, chooses outfit, irons clothes]
Man [grabs car keys]
So if you eat what you like and don’t exercise, eventually you get a motorised scooter.
I’m really not seeing the down side here.
If the US admits that Trump’s presidential campaign is a hoax then Australia will come clean about the platypus.
My kids don’t drive me to drink. Can’t wait until they get their license and they can though.
Australia is touted as a great model of gun control but no one mentions our unlimited access to boomerangs.
It’s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we’d even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever.
I threw a boomerang yesterday and it didn’t come back. How long do you reckon before it’s safe to turn around?